THE MEASURE OF A MAN, conversation one: whoring, not manly

Who is a man of passion? For starters he is a real man.  Then what is a real man?  There are so many definition  and/or thoughts on this that it is difficult to begin.  Through a series  of commentaries I will call “The Measure of a Man”  and this blog in general I will slowly paint a picture of what is a real man.  I will use both positive and negative examples.  I will, as much as possible draw upon real life situations to produce this portrait of a real man.

I am moved to start with negative examples because sadly this is what I see more of than positive examples.  A real man is not a hard drinking, cigar smoking, womanizing, tough guy.  I have no idea where this image  of a real man comes from but it has taken root and grown in the minds of many men that I know and have worked with.  These behaviors I would suggest demonstrate to a lack of confidence and respect.  A lack of respect for others and more centrally a lack of respect for yourself.

A man of passion loves women and he loves the immense pleasures of sex.  That said, he is not a man-whore, he is not a “John”.  I am really sick of guys that measure their manliness by the number of women they have Fu…bedded.  Reminding the reader that my comments are directed to men over forty.  I travel a lot and encounter all kinds of men all over the world–most of the time on business.  A typical scenario plays out like this: at the conclusion of business there is normally a dinner and then out for drinks.  At this point someone suggests a bar or club he knows and it will be fun.  When I did business in Jakarta the group usually ended up at a club called BATS (it is an acronym).  By the end of the night most of the guys had hooked up with a young Indonesian girl and gone back to their hotel room to put it simply have sex for money.  Even though I was single at the time I did not engage in such activities– well because I am better than that and so are you.  I have self respect and I was taught somewhere along the way respect for others.  Do not get me wrong I’m not being self-righteous for I am not perfect and have certainly engage in bad behavior in the past.   Now the next day my manhood would be severely questioned, I have been called gay, a weakling and not a real man.  Yea , good for you, you banged a poor Indonesian girl (an ayam kampong–a village chicken) who sadly has nothing in her life but to sell her body.  Not very manly if you ask me and certainly not respectful to her or yourself.  I have encountered this same behavior from other colleagues and associates in the Balkans and Eastern Europe also.

For some reason a socially expectable definition of being a man is by the number of women you have shagged.  While a young man may feel the need to act in such a manner, a gentleman of a certain age should not.  And a man of passion would never engage in prostitution as that indeed shows no self respect, let alone what you are doing to those girls.  And do not give me the crap that you are actually helping her out with the money you are paying for her for her service.  I also know men that are involved with escorts–well this is only prostitution for the stupidly rich.  In London a call out over night from one of the Mayfair escort services might run you 1000-2000 GBP.

At some point you must realize  that such behavior is not becoming of a real man.  A real man does not use others (women) for his own means.. and we are back to Kant.  While quoting the philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) may never be a good idea here goes:

‘… to allow one’s person for profit to be used by another for the satisfaction of sexual desire, to make of oneself an Object of demand, is to dispose over oneself as over a thing and to make of oneself a thing on which another satisfies his appetite, just as he satisfies his hunger upon a steak. But since the inclination is directed towards one’s sex and not towards one’s humanity, it is clear that one thus partially sacrifices one’s humanity and thereby runs a moral risk. Human beings are, therefore, not entitled to offer themselves, for profit, as things for the use of others in the satisfaction of their sexual propensities.’

It would be hard to find a more complete condemnation of prostitution than the above quotation from Kant.  For Kant prostitution was the ultimate example of treating a human being as merely a means to an end, and was despicable because it thereby placed a human being on the same footing as an animal.  Immanuel Kant believed objectification involves treating a person, someone with humanity, as an object of merely instrumental worth and consequently reducing this person to the status of an object for use. The objectified individual is made into a tool for another’s sexual purposes.  Kant holds that a person who allows others to use her body sexually in exchange for money cannot do so without losing their humanity and ultimately become an object for the satisfaction of another person’s sexual desires.  You are degrading that girl/woman into nothing more then a tool for your own sexual gratification–how can this be considered the action or behavior of a real man?

I will not comment on two consenting adults having a sexual interlude after meeting each other in a bar, because they are two consenting adults and they are using each other for a neutral out come.

From this commentary we have established in a negative way that a real man has respect for himself and others.  The number of women you have had sex with–especially if you are paying for it– is not the measure of a man.  In fact it is quite the opposite, it an outward behavior of an inward problem.  I would suggest that men who behave this way–racking up the number of women/girls they have sex–are lacking confidence in their own manliness or their understanding of what it means to be a man.  Think about it next time you are in this situation and need to make a decision on what you are going to be doing for the rest of the night.  Be a man about it.


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