NO TO THE MAN CAVE

TRUE MANHOOD LIES IN THE HEART NOT IN THE HOUSE.

A friend of my recently posted on Face Book that he was off to help set up  his nephew’s “Man Cave”.  My first reaction was an unsettled one.  Why do we men need man caves?  (Which I think is an only American phenomenon.)  Do American men and boys hate or fear women that much that they feel the need to run away from women and/or girls?  I am 50 and have never had a man-cave.  In the past and as I do now I have a study/den.  It is is bit more masculine then the other rooms in the house but the den is not a place I go to shut women out–in fact women are most welcome there (well at lest one woman — my love and partner Scarlet whom I never feel the need to run away from).   I dis-like the concept of the man cave for the reason I cite above — it is a place for man-boys to hide away from the world and women.  If you are playing single player shooter games in your man-cave then you’re just a loser and there will not be any women in your place anyway, so you will not need a man-cave.   Getting back to the concept of the man-cave.  Well I am not a caveman–have you ever been in a cave? they suck! Cold, dark and damp.  But as I say I am not a caveman.  The term cave man conjures up certain imagery–most of which are not positive. Being  called a caveman is an insult in most places in the world (except maybe not in the old GEICO commercials).  So what do you want to do in your man cave?  Do manly activities?  What does that mean? Drink, get drunk, play video games, watch football (as I live in Europe I mean American football) , be a couch potato in you boxer-shorts and scratch your balls, lie to your other man-boy buddies about how many girls you’ve  had sex with (at least in your imagination) and of course surf porn–because you cannot meet girls in your man-cave.

Is the world so over bearing to the American male that he needs a place to runaway to?  I have lived, worked and traveled in some of the most horrendous places in the world and the men I encounter in these places do not have man-caves.  They are facing the horrors of the world everyday trying to provide for their families.  Men being men.  I have also had the good fortune to visit many a friend’s home in Western Europe– none of which had a man cave.  Now I grant you in Europe there are cafes and Pubs were men gather in manly ways–but I think going out with the lads is very different then bring the lads home and hiding in the basement.  I also contend that a man-cave is not a sanctum sanctorum– a place to think, mediate, contemplate, or reflect.

A more delicate question is, are American women so overbearing that American men need a man cave? My out in left-field observation is that the American concept of a relationship between a man and a women is that it is not a partnership.  Sweeping generalization:  When American men and women hook up they seem to maintain there separate lives–it is not a real union of mind, body and soul– a part of living separate lives is doing separate things.  Like going into your man-cave to watch the big game without your partner.  In fact your buddies from the man cave berate you, calling you p-whipped if you put your partner’s need first.  Obviously this subject needs a lot more attention then I am prepared to give it at this time.

So the bottom line is that a Man of Passion does not need a man cave.    If you live alone or with mates then your whole house is a man cave.  If you are married or in a serious relationship and still need a man cave then maybe you are not ready to be in a relationship.  Maybe you should open up a little tree house/club house and hang a shingle out saying “No Girls Allowed”.

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